I Hate Your Sufferings
You couldn’t force someone to love you only because you loved him. It was hurt to know that somebody you love isn’t feeling the same as you do, but it would be hurting you more if you still being stubborn.
Ika Natassa may be written the more you make me suffer the more I find I love you on Antologi Rasa. You know what? It’s too cliché. How long it would last?
Talking about your suffering maybe could change his mind about choosing you, but it never change my mind about you. Yes. Everybody would be claiming as the unluckiest people if talking about their sufferings. I don’t say you couldn’t talk about your suffering but please... think first. Do you want him loves you because you are so pitiful?
Personally. I don’t want to get pity of love. I don’t want to be loved because I’m so pitiful, so poor, so miserable so blued or so whatever. I want to be loved because I deserved it.
Why I’m saying this?
I should admit that I hate to see you fooling yourself because it makes pity on you.
Not everyone really cares about your suffering, sometimes they are just curious...
A year ago, I had some trouble with my ex ex-girlfriend, I don’t know how and why she called me several times and kept asking me to meet her. FYI. I don’t blame her curiosity, but I blame the one who gave her my number 😠
We started with an awkward situation, she is insulting me like crazy for a moment before interrogating me about my relationship status. Then, she told me about her sufferings.
My brain responds by: Seriously? Did she need to do this? 😪
She told me that she is an orphan and raised well by her (step) family, life is hard on her because she is had a serious illness which makes her life so suffering. She also had financial difficulties during college which makes her delay her education. Last, my ex broke her heart after all those things between them.
I kept asking a question in my mind.
Do I need to have pity on her sufferings?
I don’t think so... Her suffering is hers and I don’t need to add things like that as a consideration of my move. Sorry to say, but I feel someone doesn’t have dignity if using their suffering as an excuse because it means they didn’t have anything left to win the game even before it started.
Chairil Anwar wrote ‘nasib adalah kesunyian masing-masing’ (fate is a personal solitude), I totally agree with him.
The only reason that makes me let him go even (if) he doesn’t want to is because I (still) can live without him, but she is don’t.
I had learned from Indonesian Idols, no matter compatible you are or perfect you are, the public would love the sufferer one. Because (s)he is urgently needed help rather than you. You still had a chance to bloom, but this is the only chance for (s)he. So... let it go.
Still, think suffering could make you win?
When you told your friend he is very kind to you and treats you as a princess like no one ever, please make sure is he really into you or not. Because maybe you had too many expectations of something that you never really had.
And when it’s come down, you should have to blame the suffering on someone that worthed to be blamed.
A someone like me *sigh 😐
Again. Why I’m saying this?
Because sometimes I feel that way. Maybe I watched too much drama or FTV. But let’s take a break ...
In a common drama story, most of the female cast describing as innocent, sloppy, and original which makes her role so interesting. She met a super-eligible guy accidentally and fell in love with each other. One day an ex-girlfriend of that super-eligible guy comes back from abroad and ruins their relationship successfully.
Have you been noticed that the ex-girlfriend of super eligible guy mostly described as a model or designer? Or anything that related to beautifulness and power? She also should be beautiful, tall, had a good manner, and everything that she (super eligible guy girlfriend) never had.
Why an ex-girlfriend should be described as a threat?
I don’t know why. But as far as I know, the reality is more cruel than drama.
Mostly, the girlfriend's protection is more dangerous than the threat itself. One of my friends is so jealous of her boyfriend's classmate, she is very worried that one day her boyfriend would leave her. She tried to keep her boyfriend close to her aggressively, which looked annoying (even) to me.
Yes. She is watching her boyfriend as a watchdog, trying to enter the inner circle of her boyfriend, make a move to get attention, and is always involved in her boyfriend's business. Finally. It ended up when her boyfriend classmate have a boyfriend.
When I asked her why she do those stuff? She answered ‘Because I realize she is better than me’.
She is suffering and blames her suffering on someone that worthed to be blamed. And yeah, she wouldn’t stop until makes sure that she is out of the market. It’s the only way to calm herself from the paranoia. She should be thank you rather than suspicious of him. No matter how jealous she is, he still stays to be on her side.
See. Suffering makes you more suffer.
For me, high school is the worst.
I may not include as the mean girl or it girls level in high school, but I’m just the kind of girl who has everything that every girl wanted, I’m (a little bit) popular, I had good friends, I’m had a best friend and I’ve had a boyfriend. So far my life was so normal as it can be ...
Until one day frienemies ruin my life. She was my friend. Was ... but now she wasn’t. What kind of friend tried to throw you down and enjoy every moment of watching you fall down?
I got bullied by 10 of 12 classes at my school because of her. Yes. They did. She wrote a letter and talked personally to at least one person in every class, that I’m the hypocrite who backstabbed her by stealing her boyfriend (which is actually mine) without shame.
She told everybody who curious about her suffering and blamed me as the reason behind her suffering which is actually never happened. It was like we are switched, she became me and I became her. What she said to them happened only in her imagination.
At first, I didn’t notice but day after day the intensity of the bullying increased, especially when I got the gift. The world seems so cruel to me, everything I did is very matter to them, and need to be bullied.
People may wonder why I never asked why she did those things to me. I already knew... she is too suffer to see me have everything that she wanted. But, just because I had everything that she wanted doesn’t mean anyone could steal it from me.
Just remember...
No matter how suffering you are. Never steal someone's happiness because you are happy less.
Like it or not, just deal with it.
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