I Hate Your Sufferings

by - 11.6.17


You couldn’t forced someone to loving you only because you loving him. It was hurt to know that somebody you love isn’t feel the same as you do, but it would be hurting you more if you still being a stubborn.
Ika Natassa may be wrote the more you make me suffer the more I find I love you on Antologi Rasa. You know what? It’s too clichรฉ. How long it would last?
Talking about your suffer may be could change his mind to choosing you, but it never change my mind on you. Yes. Everybody would be claiming as the unluckiest people if talking about their sufferings. I don’t say you couldn’t talking about your suffer  but please ... think first. Do you want he loving you because you are so pity?
Personally. I don’t want to get a pity of love. I don’t want be loved because I’m so pity, so poor, so miserable so blues or so whatever. I want to be loved because I deserved it.
Why I’m saying this?
I should admit that I hate to see you fooling yourself, because it makes a pity on you.
Not everyone really care about your suffer, sometimes they just curious ...
A years ago, I had a some trouble with my ex ex girlfriend, I don’t know how and why she called me for several times and keep asking me to meet her. FYI. I don’t blame her curiousity, but I blame the one who gave her my number. ๐Ÿ˜ 
We started by an awkward situation, she is insulting me like a crazy for a moment before interrogate about my relationship status. Then, she told me about her sufferings.
My brain response by: Seriously? Did she need to do this? ๐Ÿ˜ช
She told me that she is an orphan and raised well by her (step) family, life is hard on her because she is had a serious illness which is makes her life so suffering. She is also had a finance difficulties during college what makes she delayed the education. Last, my ex breaking her heart after all those things between them.
I kept asking a question in my mind.
Do I need to had a pity on her sufferings?
I don’t thing so ...  Her sufferings is her and I don’t need to add thing like that as a consideration of my move. Sorry to say, but I feel someone doesn’t have a dignity if using their sufferings as an excuse, because it means they didn’t have anything left to win the game even before it starting.
Chairil Anwar wrote ‘nasib adalah kesunyian masing-masing’ (fate is a personal solitude), I totally agree with him.
The only reason what makes me letting him go even (if) he don’t want to is because I (still) can live without him, but she is don’t.
I had learnt from Indonesian Idols, no matter compatible your are or perfect you are, public would love the sufferer one. Because (s)he is urgently needed help rather than you. You still had a chance to blooming, but this is the only chance for (s)he. So ... let it go.
Still think sufferings could makes you win?
When you told your friend he is very kind to you and treating you as a princess like no one ever, please make sure is he really into you or not. Because maybe you had too much expectation of something that you never really had.
And when it’s come down, you should have to blame the suffer into someone that worthed to be blame.
A someone like me *sigh ๐Ÿ˜
Again. Why I’m saying this?
Because sometimes I feel in that why. Maybe I watched too much drama or FTV. But let’s take a break ...
In a common drama story, most of female cast describing as an innocent, sloppy and original which is makes her role is so interesting. She met a super eligible guy accidently and falling in love into each other. One day an ex girlfriend of that super eligible guy  come back from abroad and ruin their relationship succesfully.
Have you been notice that the ex girlfriend of super eligible guy mostly describing as a model or designer? Or anything that related to a beautifulness and power? She is also should be beautifull, tall, had a good manner and everthing that she (super eligible guy girlfriend) never had.
Why an ex girlfriend should be describing as a threat?
I don’t know why. But as far as I know, the reality more cruel than drama.
Mostly, the girlfriend protection is dangerous than the threat itself. One of my friend is so jealous on her boyfriend classmate, she is very worried that one day her boyfriend would leaving her. She tried too keep her boyfriend close to her aggresively, which is looked annoying (even) for me.
Yes. She is watching her boyfriend as a watch dog, trying to enter the inner circle of her boyfriend, make a move to getting attentions and always involving on her boyfriend business. Finally. It was ended up when her boyfriend classmate have a boyfriend.
When I asking her why she do those stuff? She answered by ‘because I realize she is better than me’.
She is suffering and blame her suffer into someone that worthed to be blame. And yeah, she wouldn’t stop until makes sure that she is out of the market. It’s the only way to calming herself from the paranoia. She should be thank you rather than suspicious on him. No matter how jealous she is, he is still stay to be on her side.
See. Suffering makes you more suffer.
For me, high school is the worst.
I may not included as the mean girls or the it girls level in high school, I’m just a kind of a girl who has everything that every girl wanted, I’m (a little bit) popular, I’m had a good friends, I’m had a best friend and I’m had a boy friend. So far my live was so normal as it can be ...
Until one day a frienemies ruin my live. She was my friend. Was ... but now she wasn’t. What kind of friend who tried to throwing you down and enjoy every moment to watching you falling down?
I got bullied by 10 of 12 class of my school because of her. Yes. They did. She is wrote a letter and talk personally to at least one person of every class, that I’m the hypocrite who backstabbed her by stole her boyfriend (which is actually mine) without a shame.
She told everybody who curious about her suffer and blamed me as the reason behind her sufferings which is actually never happened. It was like we are switched, she became me and I became her. What she said to them is happened only in her imagination.
At the first I didn’t notice but day after day the intensity of bullying is increase, especially when I got the gift. The world seems so cruel on me, everthing I did is very matter on them and need to be bully.
People may wondered why I never asking why she did those things to me. I already knew ... she is too suffer to see me have everything that she wanted. But, just because I had everything that she wanted doesn’t mean she anyone could steal it from me.
Just remember ...
No matter how suffering you are. Never steal someone happiness because you are happyless.
Like it or not, just be deal with it.

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