Once Upon A Time In My Life

by - 23.11.16

This is not a bedtime story that your mum tell before you sleeping in the night nor a bore story that your teacher tell before you falling asleep in the class. It’s not a fake story that you tell  to impressing your crush nor a funny story that you tell to cheering up your friend.

It’s just a story ... about somebody life whom you never known before ... a little secret that rarely you hear before.

You can leave.
You can stay.
And you can be both.

But you can’t controlling your mind to not curious about what the story it is.


Because if you don’t curious about it, why do you (still) keep reading and scrolling down your mouse?

And click ‘keep reading’ to continuing your curious? (^.^)

OK. Here you go ...

Actually, I don’t know from where I should start this story. Too many confusion and doubtful that distracted me a hundred times, also a denial that haunted me for a years. But no matter how I turned or how I run, I realized, it is mine.

I’m ‘special’.

OK. I’m different.

So ... you accept ‘different’ easier than ‘special’ right? BTW, thank you for not imagine a martabak when seeing ‘special’ word.

I’m different. I knew. I always knew.

Everybody’s is different in their way, so I am. But I’m ‘different’. I mean that ...
I don’t remember the day I was born to the world because my ears and eyes still not working yet, but I remember the days after, the early day of my life.

When I got the pain of ear piercing, when I got hospitalized in my first year, when I want to say ‘hug me’ but the only voice I made is crying, when I got puke on the first time riding angkot, when I went to minimarket for buying toddler toys, when my mother taught me about the colors name and so on. I still remember those seem it was yesterday.

Isn’t it crazy? I remember the things that should be forgotten. FYI, I also can describing how the details, if you want to ... know.

I had a good memory, really ... really good on it even isn’t like a photographic memory. But the worst part is I always remember almost everything, especially a promise that peoples made for me, Sometimes, I’m very amazed about their innocence, how could they forgot their promise while I’m still into it?’

Maybe they forgot, or ... want to forget. I don’t know, I can’t see the different of both.

There are so many kind of people I met, many kind of people touched my life, many kind of people stay around me but there only a few whom settled (with me). Only a few.

Most of peoples saw me as a vanity friend picker, the super chin up person whom love to living in small friend cycle. Yes. It’s true, I admitted.

Why? Because I can ‘see’ them.

I can ‘see’ people just by looking at them at the first sight, like scanning. But, I’m not scan their style like a fashion police nor a bullyer in high school, I scan their self. I know it’s too complicated to understand what I’m really looking for because I can’t describe how I did that exactly.

I always scanning people, especially a new person, I know if they are good or bad by looking into their heart? Soul? Self? Or whatever you name it. I’m looking into theirs to find what kind of person s/he is.

Somebody who really kind, somebody who fake their kindness, somebody who had an undercover mission, somebody who really care, somebody who always think they are right, somebody who try to digging up your secret, somebody who love to impress, somebody who never care, somebody who waiting you falling down patiently, somebody who think they are loving you enough and so on.

I’ve seen them. Sometimes I enjoyed their lies as they want to and never blame myself for throwing another lies to makes perfect.

I can analyze everything especially about human behaviour, i’d love to know the reason behind act. Yes I love watching Lie To Me, but I did that habits for a long time ago.

I always keep my eyes on every little things peoples do, how was they act, how was they talk, how was their expression, how was they treat peoples, how was their (hand) writing, how was their manner, how was their fashion sense, how was their background and so on.

My friend told me I took the wrong major, I should be took psychology or any major that related to human behaviour than Industrial Design. At this time I’m totally agree.

At the first I was think that ‘see’ peoples came from my analyze habit, but then I realize it’s more than just an analyze. It’s developed into a prediction. It’s out of mind right?

Suddenly I became an director, I can predict any possibilities in my mind like a movie scene. I would think it’s only a effect of my fun habit if those alive only in my mind, but the truth is ... it become real.

I don’t know what happened to me, but I can’t stop my brain. It worked and overloaded until I couldn’t see the different of expectation and reality.

There is some point that normal peoples doesn’t understand, I can see a correlation between life and world, seems I knew everything. Maybe only Tim Kring who understand me so well. He is the creator of Touch, a serial television that describing what is going on in my mind almost exactly, go watch Touch if you want to know.

Sometimes I want to giving up, because it’s so hard for me. I spent a hundread sleepless night, a tired days, a nonsense life. How could I’m living this?

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