Once Upon A Time In My Life
This is not a bedtime story that your mum tell before you sleeping in the night nor a bore story that your teacher tell before you falling asleep in the class. It’s not a fake story that you tell to impressing your crush nor a funny story that you tell to cheering up your friend.
It’s
just a story ... about somebody life whom you never known before ... a little
secret that rarely you hear before.
You
can leave.
You
can stay.
And
you can be both.
But
you can’t controlling your mind to not curious about what the story it is.
Seriously.
Because
if you don’t curious about it, why do you (still) keep reading and scrolling
down your mouse?
And click ‘keep reading’ to continuing your curious? (^.^)
OK.
Here you go ...
Actually,
I don’t know from where I should start this story. Too many confusion and doubtful
that distracted me a hundred times, also a denial that haunted me for a years.
But no matter how I turned or how I run, I realized, it is mine.
I’m
‘special’.
OK.
I’m different.
So
... you accept ‘different’ easier than ‘special’ right? BTW, thank you for not imagine
a martabak when seeing ‘special’ word.
I’m
different. I knew. I always knew.
Everybody’s
is different in their way, so I am. But I’m ‘different’. I mean that ...
I
don’t remember the day I was born to the world because my ears and eyes still
not working yet, but I remember the days after, the early day of my life.
When I
got the pain of ear piercing, when I got hospitalized in my first year, when I
want to say ‘hug me’ but the only voice I made is crying, when I got puke on
the first time riding angkot, when I went to minimarket for buying toddler toys,
when my mother taught me about the colors name and so on. I still remember those seem it was yesterday.
Isn’t
it crazy? I remember the things that should be forgotten. FYI, I also can
describing how the details, if you want to ... know.
I had
a good memory, really ... really good on it even isn’t like a photographic
memory. But the worst part is I always remember almost everything, especially a promise that peoples made for me, Sometimes, I’m very amazed about
their innocence, how could they forgot
their promise while I’m still into it?’
Maybe
they forgot, or ... want to forget. I don’t know, I can’t see the different of
both.
There
are so many kind of people I met, many kind of people touched my life, many
kind of people stay around me but there only a few whom settled (with me). Only
a few.
Most
of peoples saw me as a vanity friend picker, the super chin up person whom love
to living in small friend cycle. Yes. It’s true, I admitted.
Why? Because
I can ‘see’ them.
I can
‘see’ people just by looking at them at the first sight, like scanning. But,
I’m not scan their style like a fashion police nor a
bullyer in high school, I scan their self. I know
it’s too complicated to understand what I’m really looking for because I can’t
describe how I did that exactly.
I always scanning people, especially a new person, I
know if they are good or bad by looking into their heart? Soul? Self? Or whatever
you name it. I’m looking into theirs to find what kind of person s/he is.
Somebody who really kind, somebody who fake their
kindness, somebody who had an undercover mission, somebody who really care,
somebody who always think they are right, somebody who try to digging up your
secret, somebody who love to impress, somebody who never care, somebody who
waiting you falling down patiently, somebody who think they are loving you
enough and so on.
I’ve seen them. Sometimes I enjoyed their lies as they
want to and never blame myself for throwing another lies to makes perfect.
I can
analyze everything especially about human behaviour, i’d love to know the
reason behind act. Yes I love watching Lie To Me, but I did that habits for a long time ago.
I
always keep my eyes on every little things peoples do, how was they act, how was
they talk, how was their expression, how was they treat peoples, how was their
(hand) writing, how was their manner,
how was their fashion sense, how was their background and so on.
My
friend told me I took the wrong major, I should be took psychology or any major
that related to human behaviour than Industrial Design. At this time I’m totally
agree.
At the first I was think that ‘see’ peoples came
from my analyze habit, but then I realize it’s more than just an analyze. It’s
developed into a prediction. It’s out of mind right?
Suddenly I became an director, I can predict any
possibilities in my mind like a movie scene. I would think it’s only a effect
of my fun habit if those alive only in my mind, but the truth is ... it become
real.
I
don’t know what happened to me, but I can’t stop my brain. It worked and
overloaded until I couldn’t see the different of expectation and reality.
There
is some point that normal peoples doesn’t understand,
I can see a correlation between life and world, seems I knew everything.
Maybe only Tim Kring who understand me so well. He is the
creator of Touch,
a serial television that describing what is going on in my
mind almost exactly, go watch Touch if you want to know.
Sometimes
I want to giving up, because it’s so hard for me. I spent a hundread sleepless
night, a tired days, a nonsense life. How could I’m living this?
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